dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
