the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
