Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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