I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It's never too late to be topless.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Text me some of your sweat
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
