I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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