the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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