i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
