watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
