note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
