i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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