I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
