I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
