party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
