when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
