And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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