How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
