Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
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Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
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I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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