and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
