If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
