Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
