You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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