My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
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I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
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You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm too high and old for this...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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