A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
