somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
