I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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