I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
