Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
