So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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