No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
