he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
