Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
