We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
