nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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