you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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