Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
