I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
