the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
