we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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