My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
i've created a new STD.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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