it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Do you remember whose house we're in?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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