I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
