if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
