I must be too annoying 4 u.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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