so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
