Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
