Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
