your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
