Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
