Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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