I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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