Sry I called you an 8
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
