Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
