I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
