you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
