FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
