Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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