she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
