super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
