If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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