Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
They took my balls.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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