Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
