Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
