The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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