He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I love how my cats smell like pot.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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