You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
