dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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