this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
