I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
