you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
