and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
