I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
