non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
ugly people sure do ruin things
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
