So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
