Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
